10 February 2007

Someone To Watch Over Me

Feeling the need for inspiration? Someone to monitor your progress, nag, and cajole you into writing, even when you don't feel like it? Acme Real Gnome Headquarters (ARGH) has the answer for you! Gnome in Your Box. Your very own writing gnome to help keep you on the straight and narrow. Guaranteed to glare at you from your desktop day and night, and mutter phrases like:

"1000 words? What a wuss. In my day, we had to write 10,000 words before breakfast. And we wrote them uphill!"

"Your characters suck, kill one! Then there will be less suckage, and more blood."

"You think *Insert hated/loved author here* is surfing the Net? No! He/She's WRITING. Get to work, you slackard!" *pokes writer with pointy stick. hard.*

"A real writer wouldn't let a root canal stop him/her. He/She'd turn it into a trilogy, an epic ballad, or at least a sonnet!"

And dozens of other rude and unintelligible phrases sure to motive/terrify the writer in you to get off his/her collective ass and get to work. Best of all, Gnome in Your Box is cheap. Will work for Dark Side cookies, and drops of blood. What are you waiting for? Get Gnome In Your Box today! * (Click HERE for 1600 x 1200 Gnome In Your Box Wallpaper)

*Void where prohibited by commn sense; Not authorized to do laundry or physics; style and irritability of Gnomes may vary; ARGH is not responsible for rejection notices, delousing, or SWAT team removal.


Gabriele C. said...

I'm afraid I'll need such a gnome.

Gabriele, Grand Master of Procrastination

Constance said...

Um, if you're Grand Master, I'm Lord High Procrastinator. We should start a club.


Lilly said...

Stumbled on your blog browsing. Yes, I need a gnome. The one that says, "If you don't finish this book, the entire known universe will be destroyed by Dr. Evil."

Nothing like a little encouragement to get you writing, right?

Constance said...

Hi Lilly!

Thanks for stopping by. Where did you wander on in from?

Feel free to take a gnome out of petty cash. We're an irreverent bunch around here. We look for inspiration where ever we can get it, even in wayward Underpants Gnomes. We also offer flaky encouragement and Dark Side cookies for the fantasy writers among us.

Be careful if you take a gnome, they're evil little suckers. If you say you're going to write 5000 words that day, they don't let you stop until you're done, even if your fingers bleed...

Scott Oden said...

I need the whole damn gnome horde, as I am the Lordest Most Highest Uber-Poobah of Procrastination to have ever donned the symbolic fez.

That's right. Procrastinators get fezzes . . .

Constance said...

It looks to me like we all need to have a Procrastinator Smack-Down along the lines of - Who's the biggest procrastinator?

Hmm,I sense another cookie coming on. A fez-gnome-chip cookie.