22 November 2006

NaNo – Day 22, Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

(Courtesy of The Godhunter, another episode of "Bad Poetry Playhouse".)

Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

It was the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house,
My characters were roaming and one did espouse:
"I've not got much book time and it leaves me quite vexed,
"My plot-addled author sure must be perplexed.

"She's let a thin subplot move to the fore,
"And turned my fine speeches to words I abhor.
"I'm vain and long winded, arrogant and callow,
"And by the next chapter a whiny marshmallow,

"I fear my dear author is not on the level.
"She's trotted out monsters and demons and devils.
"Gave me a girlfriend and forbid we have sex.
"Told us the conclusion was much too complex,

"For our little minds to worry and fret—
"As if our capacity were floppy diskette.
"I'm a full grown creation, I demand all my rights!
"I implore all like brethren to remedy my plights.

"Hey! Don't turn your backs and pretend not to see me.
"Because very soon you could also just be me.
"I'm divine, there's no call to treat me this way.
"You know what they say, every god has his day...

"Ms. Writer if you know the path to pursue,
"Give me my page time that's long overdue,
"I'm a god I tell you! So show some respect.
"What? You're killing me off? No wait, I object!"

The author she sprang from her chair with a laugh
Said "I just figured how to boost my word count by half
"I'll torture this character with no real misgiving,
"And that's what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving."


Gabriele C. said...


My characters are muttering dire things in the darkness as well. Not that I can blame them, it is cruel to make Arminius, leader of the German rebels, and Germanicus, Roman general and successor to the Imperial seat, friends.

Constance said...

It could be worse. Arminius and Germanicus could be related. Through marriage. Then they'd have to play nice... at least for a while.

Gabriele C. said...

Constance, it is worse. They meet in secret during Germanicus' campaigns in Germany and can't keep their hands to themselves.

(For historical background: Arminius served as Roman auxiliary officer before he led the German tribes to rebellion, and both men most probably have met during that time.)

Constance said...

And I thought my male/female leads were trouble.
How do you meet in secret during a war? And if they get caught, wouldn't it be, well... bad? :)

Carla said...

Great poem, Constance! I'll have bits of it going round my head all day now :-) Thanks for posting it.

Neat plot twist, Gabriele! (Does Cassius Charaea get involved and make it a threesome?). Now I'm imagining behind-the-lines spying missions, or secret diplomatic negotiations....

Gabriele C. said...

Carla, will you stop giving me naughty plotbunnies. This is not erotica. *grin*

Constance said...

I don't know, Gabriele. I think a blog posted plotbunny is almost a order. *evil grin*

Carla said...

I suppose 'plotbunny' is more than usually appropriate in this case, given rabbits' reputation for, ahem, going at it like rabbits :-)

Constance said...

I think we should dub it "PlotRoman", in honor of Gabriele. Could be a code word for uh, armor knocking. *g*

Gabriele C. said...

What have you two smoked? And where can I get some? :)

Constance said...

Pumpkin pie! or smoked cranberries, I'm not sure. Aisle 2, row 14. Right behind the *cough* alcohol...