04 September 2007

"Anonymous" Photos

This just in. Pictures of the (in)famous "Anonymous" poster to my blog. Delivered by carrier Gnome in the middle of the night with utmost secrecy. Said Gnome promised more as long as the library paste kept flowing. (What can I say, gnomes are easy AND cheap)

First on our hit parade, the 1960's, era of bell bottoms, hippies, and banana seat bikes. "Anonymous" seemed to have missed the memo on the bell bottoms, however. Check out the highwaters on the kid on the left, the one with the slightly apprehensive look, as if he suspects popping wheelies on a banana seat bike will lead to no good. I know we lived a block from the river, but yeesh. And leather slip-ons? At least the Cuz on the right had the good sense to wear Keds, like a normal goomba.

That brings us to the late 1970's.

I know "Anonymous" will claimed he was framed, but I say he did it to himself with those disco Elton glasses. Another victim of involuntary parental photography, "Anonymous" grits his teeth and hunches his rather skinny shoulders in classic family mug shot pose.
Bonus points if "Anonymous" can identify A) the doorways he's standing between, and B) the picture his head so artfully bisects.

The 70's gave way to the late 1980's -- decade of epic disasters and benefit concerts, and apparently ushered in a era (ear?) of
Corn for the Unwashed Masses.

While "Anonymous'" mother stood in line for hours at the mall to secure a Cabbage Patch Kid for "Anonymous'" daughter, "Anonymous" ate corn. While millions watched the fall of the Berlin Wall on tv, so did "Anonymous". While eating corn.

One can only wonder if this fascination with corn outlasted the 80's. I would imagine it to be a lifelong obsession, stemming from an unfortunate covert incident on the Susquehanna River, involving a rubber raft, a cornfield, and an incredibly gullible little sister.

The late 1990's. A renaissance return to the eyewear of the 70's, a Gladiator haircut, and a Freudian beard. What message is "Anonymous" attempting to send?

--The layered look never goes out of style--
--I missed the Grunge generation and I'm playing catch up?

--Quick, bring me another Yuengling if I have to endure more photos!

--Help, my better half has a gun in my back and is forcing me to take this picture?

The world may never know, but one thing is for sure. There's more pictures where these came from, "Anonymous". I'm still waiting on some Stan Rogers CD's.
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Don't make me use the Photoshop.
It could get ugly.
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Brought to you by the Society for the Encouragement of Torturing Big Brothers, Western Chapter.


10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Payback is a Leona Helmsley.......

Constance said...

Dead??

Gabriele C. said...

Nice pics.

I love the fashion changes, though I recoil in horror at the memory of some of the things I've been wearing. :)

Anonymous said...

Do you know what the difference is between a little sister and an outlaw?


Outlaws are wanted............

Constance said...

Gabriele,

Wait until I find some closeups of the bowl haircuts and the disco shirts. *g*

Constance said...

Anon

No, I'm pretty sure you meant "outlaws go to jail", but "little sisters hang around forever". :P

Gabriele C. said...

You two are worse than my brother and I. :)

Constance said...

Gabriele, we could switch brothers for a while. Perhaps learn some new harrassment techniques that way. :) Although I don't think "Anonymous" speaks German...

Gabriele C. said...

Good for him, he'd escape the constant babble of my SiL that way. :D

My brother speaks English, so no problems on that side.

Constance said...

Ah, but does your brother speak "redneck"? That's the question. :)